The Monday before Thanksgiving weekend Robb got sick. It seemed like a regular stomach virus, which was not surprising considering I had been sick the week before. He stayed home from school and as he seemed to be getting better Tuesday, we decided to still make our 7 hour car ride to North Carolina to visit family. As we were driving down, Robb's breathing sounded a little strange (like he was stifling a cough), and when it continued through Wednesday morning, my parents took him to the Emergency Room. After a day of many tests, we found out that Robb had a collapsed lung. There was fluid inside and outside the lung, and it had completely stopped working. The doctors said it could have been in this state for a while. Robb was kept in the ICU for a week and has just returned to school.
Despite how awful it was in the moment, I can't help but look back on what happened and feel incredibly lucky. I feel lucky that my parents decided to take Robb to the hospital as soon as they sensed something was wrong. I feel lucky that even when Robb's lung did not "sound" like it normally does when someone has pnemonia, the doctors still did an x-ray. (They found out that the reason they heard no cracking like usual was because the lung had completely shut down.) I feel lucky that, because it was a holiday, both my parents were able to spend as much time as possible with Robb. I feel lucky that we were in North Carolina surrounded by family where my younger brother and I could stay. (Poe and I did spend a couple of days at our house together while Robb and my parents were still in North Carolina, and we received plenty of support and food. What cracked us up was the fact that everyone was so worried about us getting food and were surprised to learn we just went to the store and got groceries to make our own meals.)
However, on Thanksgiving and throughout the week, I was not feeling particularly thankful or lucky. I was scared and sad and angry. Many people associate autism and Down Syndrome with illness and assume Robb is often in and out of hospitals. However, the reason that this was so scary and sad was because Robb is not a sickly person. (Considering the many vitamins Robb takes, he is probably the healthiest guy I know.) And when he is sick, he often cannot communicate the problems to us. He was operating on one lung and pushed through without us having any idea. The "what-ifs" and "worst-case scenarios" about what could have happened and what could happen in the future filled my mind, and I still cannot help but worry about all of the things Robb cannot tell us. It does not seem fair that someone so filled with love and kindness could have to go through so much pain without sharing it with anyone.
Robb and my parents came back to Baltimore after a week in the hospital, and Robb has been getting better every day and went back to school on Wednesday. No one in my family will forget the pain of this experience, and I know that after this experience, I will never let the danger of Robb's inability to express his emotions escape the back of our minds. However, going forward, we just keep reminding ourselves how lucky we are. Robb is the most amazing person I have had the privilege of knowing, and I am going to continue to do everything I can to spread Robb's light with the world.
